Once upon a time circa 1905 AD an underground system was being built in Londinium, the main metropolis of England. The problem for the great builder of the time Gustavus Mears was to find a site to put all the earth from the excavations. Eventually he found a spot in the borough of Fulham next to the Bridge over Stamford Brook. What should he do with this mound of earth? He decided to make an arena for the the populace to watch many warriors run or kick a ball or for dogs to run around. He called this arena Stamford Bridge and  for 76 years he and his descendants ran this arena and provided entertainment for the populace of Londinium. But in 1982 AD those descendants fell upon hard times and were forced to sell their mound of earth to a Property Company and the array of ball kickers to an invader from the North named Bats for £1. Bats was an adventurer who had previously been involved in the northern territories of Wigan and Oldham.

His reign of terror saw the ball kickers dive down to the lowest point in their history. Meanwhile the accounts were run so well that the ball kickers became bankrupt owing some £12 million.  Was Bats disturbed- Oh no he immediately re-introduced the ball kickers under a similar name and went about business again. He got the supporters of the ball kickers to buy the mound of earth and set about building himself an hotel and other facilities there. He even called in ballkicker scribes to announce his own divorce. For film buffs of Psycho it is interesting to note that he employed a man called Hitchcock and ran an hotel. He also hired many mercenaries from other tribes including Gauls, Romans and Slavs. By 2004 AD he had once more run into debt- this time owing some £60 million..

At the eleventh hour a Knight in Shining armour appeared from the East and saved the ball kickers from extinction. This lovely man called Roman paid off the debts and made the ball kickers champions of  All England. For a while Bats remained but as he was no longer chief of the ball kickers he took a pay-off of some £17 million and went back up North to Leeds to try his luck with another group of ball kickers who had fallen on bad times. And having taken his 17 million pieces of gold called the knights in shining armour "Siberian Shysters". What does he do?

Leeds United Football Club was initially a 50 percent shareholder following the Bates takeover. Then, with his inimitable sense of humour,Bats renamed the company Romans Heavies - a not too subtle dig at new Chelsea owner, Roman Abramovich.  Back to his old tricks he uses  Roman's Heavies"  and takes over payment of a £2 million loan made by Cope Industrial . Bats and Roman's Heavies " agreed to pay interest and pay off the loan in 2009. Romans Heavies then held
almost 50 percent in the company that owned the other 50 percent of the Leeds football club. Back to his old tricks he uses  Roman's Heavies"  and takes over payment of a £2 million loan made by Cope Industrial . Surprise, surprise Bats has failed to pay the interest an "Roman's Heavies" went into liquidation on 6th June 2006.   Bats. resigned as a director in March.

The company's main shareholder was last recorded as the mysterious Forward Sports Food, Which gives an address in London but is assumed to be based in Switzerland. Forward made a loan of some £4m to the soccer club last year. Another shareholder was Sports Investments (Leeds) for
which notice has been given of a compulsory striking off by Companies House.

Just what all this means - if anything - for the ownership of the Championship side remains to be seen. It issued a £4.5m block of new shares a year ago but it is not clear yet as to who bought those sharesand so controls the club. The suggestion was Forward. Romans Heavies was said to be left with a 3 percent stake.

Doubtless these events are perfectly normal and Bats will as usual reveal all in his own time.Where have we heard this story before? Come on the Football League ban this man from football- and the authorities in Monaco should deport him. The board at Sheffield Wednesday were right to ensure he didn't buy into their club. This time the "Wise" man shouldn't help save this wretch.